Dysfunctional
by Cloverfish
Summary: If you mention 'Dysfunctional' and 'Family' in one sentence, most Vongola-related people will quickly think of a certain independent assassination squad and its members...
1. Chapter: Squalo mama

**Dysfunctional**

The Perfect Example of A Dysfunctional Family.

* * *

If you mention the words 'dysfunctional' and 'family' in one sentence, most Vongola-related people will quickly think of a certain assassination squad, namely Varia, Vongola's Independent Assassination Squad. Especially the generation led by the fearsome man called Xanxus.

He, Xanxus, was the perfect personification of wrath, blasting anything which pissed him off into ashes—and unfortunately, that 'anything' was practically 'almost everything'. He ruled Varia with iron gauntlets, assuring loyalty of his subordinates by inflicting great fear upon them. His 'right-hand man', Squalo, was known as the second Sword Emperor, defeating the previous Sword Emperor, Tyr, who was also the previous leader of Varia. Of course, this meant Squalo was supposed to be the next leader of Varia, no? However, Squalo, the Pride himself, put himself under the shadows of Xanxus only for the sake of witnessing the wrath that gave Xanxus his power. Only that. Under the two are four, no, _five_ others – Levi A Than, the envious person who would rampage upon seeing someone people say to be more worthy than him to become Xanxus' subordinate. Belphegor, the embodiment of sloth, Prince the Ripper. The royal-blooded assassin lusting for blood. His bloodlust is unbeatable and his desire to murder made him one of the deadliest members of Varia—albeit of course, he didn't seem to show much effort in it. A tad bit immoral—licentious, living up to his name, Belpeghor. Lussuria, perfect personification of lust, hence his name _Luss_uria. Mammon—who previously died earlier—was the Greed himself, showing excessive desire for wealth. And last was Fran, a replacement for Mammon who, in the end, created his own identity as the one who purposely antagonize his _partners_ out of excessive gluttonous desire for self-amusement.

So, as most of you are probably thinking by now, what does dysfunctional family have to do with the fearsome Varia of all things possible? To know, we must look back when Vongola the tenth celebrated his 17th birthday...

* * *

"_Happy birthday, Juudaime!" Gokudera Hayato cheered, as well as a few others, as Tsuna giggled sheepishly, scratching his not-so-itchy head in both embarrassment and happiness. It was Sawada Tsunayoshi's 17th birthday, also marking the second year he holds the title Vongola the tenth. Reborn stood next to Tsuna, smirking. "Nice job surviving until now, dame-Tsuna." he said._

"_Mou, Reborn, I'm not that 'dame' anymore, okay?" Tsuna replied, laughing heartily, followed by the others present in that festive event. "That's correct, Reborn-san!" Gokudera blurted, his eyes glittering in pride of his beloved boss. "Juudaime has created a breakthrough in Vongola's history! In just two years, he's well known already in the world, both in the mafia world and in the outside world—positively, too! To be able to preserve the great great great history of Vongola while creating the perfect facade as the world's most successful business company...Juudaime is so awesome! And to think that he achieved all that in only less than two years, too...!" he continued praising Tsuna as said boss only laughed embarrassedly._

"_I'm not that great, Gokudera. I mean, I'm sure the first boss was much better than me...I only continued what the Ninth trusted me with. I'm just trying to do my best—this is for everyone's good too." he smiled, looking at everyone. Yamamoto Takeshi only laughed cheerfully. "That's what we all do, right? Do our best—there's nothing wrong with it, anyway!" He said, but he was then strangled by Gokudera for a while before said hurricane bomb held Tsuna's hands tightly. "But Juudaime will always be the greatest person ever in my life! No matter if it's for 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, heck, FOREVER, I'll always follow Juudaime, even to the end of the world!" Gokudera stated, receiving a loud applause from everyone else and a humble laugh from Tsuna. _

_Sighing, the tenth boss of Vongola stood up calmly. "Well, everyone," he began speaking. "I'd like to say a few things. First...thanks for this birthday party—you guys should know I felt really, really happy to have this party—so happy that I actually wanted to lit my flame and launch a dying will flame-powered firework to celebrate this, haha." A laughter was heard from throughout the room. "Second...I'd like to say thanks for all your hard work until now in supporting the family. Each one of you have became an important member of the family, and it is all of us who have been leading Vongola to its current condition. Thank you for all your supports. And lastly..." Here, Tsuna seemed to be hesitating a little. Gulping, he continued._

"_I'd love to see our 'family' grows more like a true family. I've been quite disturbed by the lack of closeness between family members lately—and I believe that something has to be done. Besides, together we are strong, and we perish when we split, right? I hope we can strengthen our bond as a family together—and yes, Xanxus, that includes Varia as well. Well, actually, I want to say this ESPECIALLY for everyone in Varia." He smiled to Xanxus, who was literally staring at him with a face that clearly said 'I don't believe you, brat'. His scar seemed to reappear a bit when he noticed Reborn's sly smirk._

"_Well said, Tsuna." the arcobaleno said. Tsuna laughed sheepishly and sat down again on his chair. Reborn looked at the members of Varia. "You heard that, Varia. Good luck with your 'family bonding'." He said, showing a smile which seemed to be planning something 'evil' in Xanxus' eyes. Lussuria, however, seemed to be amused with this idea. "This looks really interesting, don't you think, bossu~?" Even Bel seemed to be interested in the idea, grinning madly as he seemed to be shifting his eyes towards Fran—who seemed like he didn't care at all._

_And this also marked the beginning of the insanity called 'The Varia Family'._

* * *

"Well, I apologize, Bucking Horse, but I'd have to tell you that mom's not available today."

Dino raised an eyebrow hearing Bel's statement. "...'mom'?"

Bel grinned widely. "But you can ask 'dad' about more. Shishi~"

"W-wait! Who the hell are you talking about, huh!?"

"I don't have to answer that, because I'm a prince~"

_That just doesn't make any sense!!_ Dino thought, wondering how unreasonable could Prince the Ripper be. Well, to be honest, he's been wondering about his _little brother_'s mental condition lately, especially since Tsuna let out a rather suspicious-looking grin when he said he was going to pay a visit to Squalo. Not only Tsuna, actually, but even members of CEDEF and the rest of Vongola, they actually did the same when they heard his plans on visiting the Varia headquarter. Before he could think more about this, however, someone suddenly appeared from behind Bel and kicked the prince in his face.

It was Fran, that newbie mist Varia who replaced Mammon's place.

"He's talking about our stupid leader and his new wife. Sorry if senpai confused you, Bucking Horse-san." Fran said monotonously, dragging Bel away from the Cavallone boss. Belpeghor was still smirking madly.

"But it's now 'Bel-nii', froggy-_imouto_~"

Dino made a face.

"'Mama' told me that I may kick your crotch if I have to, _nii-san_, I think you use '_imouto_' wrongly. I'm not a girl. And please refrain from abusing Japanese language too much; it sounds so weird with your princely tongue saying it. "

"You want a piece of me, brat?" Bel threatened, pulling out his knives and box.

"Bring it on, _nii-san_. You'll be wasting your energy anyway." Fran pulled out his box as well.

And Dino could only stare with his mouth hanging wide open as the two Varia siblings (?) began fighting each other in a messy cloud filled with hurt and insults. Sighing, Dino decided to just ignore the two and walked past them. Again, he wondered if there's something going on in Vongola which Tsuna didn't tell him about. At the same time, he also wondered about whoever the two called 'mom' and 'dad' earlier. He had his own suspicions, but then decided to shrug it off, thinking that his suspicions was too impossible to be true.

"Ah, bucking horse Dino Cavallone~! What could've brought you here today?"

Dino stopped dead on his track. That voice...that shrilly, high-pitched, and girly tone of voice...slowly, he turned his head. "Uh...hi, Lussuria." he greeted. Said member of Varia let out a high-pitched squeal before giving Dino a supposedly-friendly hug. "Well, hi too, blondie. So, what do you have to do with us today?" he asked. Dino, being a little bit unsure, hesitated to say anything to Lussuria. "U-Uh, actually—"

_SWOOSH!_ A knife scratched Dino's left cheek as it flew past him and planted itself on a wall not far from Dino and Lussuria. It effectively made the blonde boss paled and Lussuria looked at the two fighting Varia with an unhappy face. "Are you two fighting _again_!? You two naughty kids!" Lussuria walked to Bel and Fran and separated the two, holding both of their collars as the two tried to strangle each other to death. A moment later, Lussuria turned to Dino with a bright expression, surprising Dino. "Forgive my two little brothers, bucking horse. So, what was it again, dear?"

"Well..."

* * *

"Ah, I see~!" Again, Dino shivered as Lussuria's awfully girly voice reached his eardrums. Fran and Bel were sitting across each other, in order to prevent anymore bloodshed between the two. Dino swore he could see sparks of—what, siblings rivalry?—between the two, though. Lussuria didn't seem to notice anything, as he only hummed lightly while thinking for a while. "So...you were looking for mommy because you need to talk about katana-kid, and—"

"You might have misheard," Dino cut Lussuria. "I was looking for _Squalo_, not your mother, whoever she might be."

Silence dominated the room.

A sigh. Fran looked at Dino with an abnormally bored and calm look. "We hadn't misheard anything," he said. "You see...when we were talking about mom, we were talking about—"

"VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!! STOP SPREADING THAT STUPID **HAPPY FAMILY** SHIT, YOU UNGRATEFUL BRATS!!"

Another heavy silence fell into the room as the occupants of the room stared at Superbia Squalo, who had just banged the door open. His long hair was in a mess, showing how he seemed to have hurried back from wherever he was, running like a mad man and made his hair suffer the consequences.

"...Squalo-senpai." Fran finished his sentence, as Bel and Lussuria sighed, leaving Dino staring at Squalo in disbelief.

* * *

"So, uh, when was the wedding?"

"SHUT UP FERRARI! LIKE I SAID, IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT!!"

Dino stared at Squalo as the shark-like man continued rambling angrily, occasionally slicing the nearest object available. He finally understood the reason behind the anomaly in Vongola. Why Tsuna let out that wicked grin, why everyone in CEDEF broke into a laughter when he said he was going to visit Varia's headquarter....Dino quickly ducked as Squalo sliced the vase behind him into three. Long story short, after the other members of Varia fled for their life, Squalo explained to Dino how _it_ all began. Apparently, it was thanks to Tsuna's 'speech' back at his 17th birthday party. Yes, the one where he said that Varia should act more like a family. Belpeghor and Lussuria seemed to take it seriously and began calling Xanxus 'daddy' and Squalo 'mommy'. At first, it was life-risking, as every time they call Xanxus 'daddy', they would have to avoid a barrage of flame of rage from Xanxus' guns. A little later, Fran decided that it was fun teasing Xanxus, and began doing the same thing. Levi A Than was more than willing to become closer with his boss, and did the same thing a few days later. And finally, Xanxus decided that it would be useless to continue doing the same thing _daily_, and decided to just ignore his new nickname.

"Of course, I noticed the _good intention_ that runt had, but STILL! THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT RUNT'S HEAD FOR HIM TO SAY I MAKE A GOOD WIFE, GODDAMMIT!" Hearing Squalo, Dino finally knew one more thing about his cute little brother. Tsuna...isn't exactly as innocent as how he looks.

And somewhere across the sea, Tsuna sneezed. Twice.

**[end/to be continued?]**

* * *

# _And last was Fran, a replacement for Mammon who, in the end, created his own identity as the one who purposely antagonize his partners out of excessive gluttonous desire for self-amusement. _This is a personal theory, actually. Because Fran seems to annoy the other members simply for the sake of his own amusement, ahaha. From my point of view, that is. And I just can't see the connections between Fran and Greed (which Mammon represented), so I'll just make him a glutton for amusement, haha. Feel free to shoot me now.___.

#_ Imouto_ = little sister

# _'-nii'_ = suffix for big brother

# The reason why I wrote Squalo calling Dino 'Ferrari', is because...well, as most of you have probably known, Dino and Enzo Ferrari created the renowned Ferrari known with the name "bucking horse". And Dino use a Ferrari too into the episode where he appear! (thanks to nekoi_echizen on livejournal for these interesting points ;D)


	2. Chapter: Brotherhood?

**Dysfunctional**

_The Perfect Example of A Dysfunctional Family._

_Chapter: The Brothers_

* * *

Brothers—especially ones with not many years in difference—are said to be the closest people in a family. Ain't husband and wifes, ain't sister and brother. Brothers—brother and brother. Or so they say. Well, that might be true...in a _normal_ family. However, since this is the perfectly dysfunctional Varia family we're talking about, instead of two 'brothers' in a brotherly romantic relationship, we get ourselves a pair of nonidentical twins who spend 80% of their time...trying to strangle each other to death. Namely Belpeghor and Fran. Okay, one of them is trying to _stab _the other to death. Even with such _observant _parents like Xanxus and Squalo, the two always manage to find themselves a moment to have their siblings war—even when their 'parents' strictly forbid them from doing so, simply to maintain the image of Varia and to keep themselves safe from the so-called wrath of Vongola the Tenth—Yes, Tsuna can get angry simply because of a simple siblings war. Unexpectedly short-tempered? Mmm. Tsuna gets unbelievably short-tempered when certain subjects rise up. But that's another story, so let's put that aside and move on...

The 'brothers' we are talking about here in Varia—Belpeghor and Fran—are certainly different from other brothers. They support each other when unneeded, and actually refuse to cooperate when necessary. Different, of course. But they're still 'brothers'...in a sense :)

* * *

Belpeghor once had a brother, named Rasiel. Known better as Siel, Sieru, Jill, Jiru, Ziru, whichever you prefer. _(Since the writer prefers Jill because that's how the first translation went, let's go with Jill for the mean time.)_ Bel, however, murdered him one day, saying that he had mistaken Jill as a cockroach. Even though Jill was—in reality—still alive and kickin' many years from then, this fact that Bel once _tried_, if not actually _assassinated_ his brother (and Byakuran mysteriously revived the dead guy), really made Lussuria worried. Yes, Lussuria is, apparently, a very _caring_ person. Some Varia subordinates nearly mentioned that Lussuria would make a better mom, but they were stopped from saying so with a single glare from Xanxus. Back to topic, anyway, the sun Varia was worried about _Fran_.

Fran. Even with just a glance, anyone seeing Varia will quickly notice that Fran was the youngest of them all—or at least, the youngest-looking. If there's anyone with age not far from Fran, most people will guess it's Bel. Mainly because the others are obviously too old-faced, or maybe Squalo's face doesn't convince them as much as his hair does. As the youngest in the Varia, Fran is, unfortunately, quite inexperienced compared with the rest of the team. This 'inexperienced'-stuff covers fighting...and life, of course. However, as inexperienced the new guy was, Xanxus was quite amused by the fact that Fran actually _knew_ exactly how to handle Bel. Do it the offensive way. Prince won't accept anything unless it's either given the _here-you-are-your-highness_ way or the _take-this-so-go-fuck-off_ way. And anyone with Varia-quality—according to Xanxus—would definitely take the second way.

According to Xanxus, that is.

Now, Fran seems to be able to take care of himself just fine in the middle of the brute assassins of Varia, so why would Lussuria be worried about Fran? Because at the moment, Varia's status is a whole family. And Lussuria's carelessly shameless comments ('_Aren't you two so cute? You two looks just like real brothers to me!'_) made Bel and Fran brothers, just like Bel and Jill. Got the connection? I'm sure you do. And to make things even more complicated for Lussuria, both of them seems to like fighting each other so much...

But then again, Fran should be able to...what, defend himself so that Bel won't get a chance to actually _murder_ him, right?

* * *

_Ever since Fran came, introduced by Tsuna then 'abducted' by the Varia, a few weeks after Mammon's unbelievable death, Bel had been acting...let's say, weird. Rather un-Bel-like. He was silent and simply not violent. And mind you, being not violent is extremely strange for this royal prince. It was quite understandable, though, considering how close Bel was with Mammon. After another few weeks, Bel seemed to enjoy dressing Fran up as Mammon—and making the poor new guy permanently wear the frog hat he specially ordered to be made. By this point, Xanxus decided to elect Fran as a permanent member of Varia's main team. A few days later, however, the senior Varia members began to think that it might be a wrong idea putting Fran and Bel close to each other as violent fights began to break out daily between the two. These "violent fights" are, unfortunately, Varia-styled. Complete with the bloodshed, grotesque illusions, flying knives, explosions, and destruction. Deaths were avoidable, fortunately, but the damage was...done._

_This alone made Tsuna think if it had been a good idea to pick Fran out of everyone else from the mist division. Mukuro did say that Fran was "certainly an illusionist with potential skills that managed to enchant him", and that Fran was "practically a member of Varia without enough killing intent." The second opinion appealed to Tsuna, and it became Tsuna's reason of selecting Fran; to balance the staggering amount of bloodshed in Varia by putting a possible pacifier into the team. But boy, wasn't Mukuro wrong and his intuition correct. The moment he saw Fran, he already had a feeling that although Fran would be perfect to be in the Varia, he's definitely NOT without killing intent. He brushed that feeling off, however, and decided to trust Mukuro on this one._

_And man, he kinda regretted it. Especially after reading some supposed-to-be-reports-but-turns-out-to-be-pages-of-gossips from Lussuria. He was, at first, disturbed by the reported damages and the daily 'violent fights'. But then, this gave him a brand new idea—which later, combined with more (stupid) ideas, produced what the Varia proudly called the Tenth's Birthday Speech incident. Of course, if they fight like that all the time, why not make the fights 'brotherly' instead of 'violent'? Maybe they'll begin to act more like a brother and be more...'brotherly' with each other!_

_He received a (maybe not-so) proud kick from Reborn after the decision._

* * *

Gokudera knew.

OF COURSE HE KNEW. He's the tenth boss of Vongola's right hand man, of course he knew about the whole "Varia Family" business.

But even though he _knew_, he couldn't help being surprised when he visited the Varia Headquarter. Well, actually, who wouldn't be surprised when the first things that welcome you once you step foot upon a realm are two flying knives nearly slicing your head off your body? As Gokudera evaded another set of knives and wires, he ducked to avoid a flying...frog? Followed by pillars of flame and a sudden in-door typhoon brewing in the hallways. Now, Gokudera was no newbie to illusions, and he certainly knew that the ones he was facing were high-level illusions—and he wasn't pathetic enough to actually try facing that illusion head-on. So he backed off a few step, lit a few dynamites, before throwing a whole bunch of them into the mess inside.

Just to make a worse mess with the explosion. Silence followed not long after.

He stepped in just after the strangely bizarre illusions vanish. After the smoke from the explosion disappear, Gokudera saw two people lying on the floor—clearly injured by the explosion from before. Sighing, the storm guardian crouched. "Just what the hell are you two doing, oi?" he asked Bel and Fran. Bel only giggled for a while before he got smacked by Fran using a illusionary brick. After making sure that his 'brother' was unconscious, Fran looked at Gokudera. "It's our daily ritual. Please ignore us and continue doing whatever you were doing here, storm guardian-san."

Gokudera raised an eyebrow.

"Daily ritual?"

_...seriously?_

Fran nodded. "Yes, daily ritual. You see, destroying the hallways with illusionary damages actually reduce the overall damage the headquarter suffers. At least, better than letting my stupid _nii-san_ murder the subordinates--sorry, _our cousins_, out of sheer boredom." he said, monotonously. Gokudera nodded slowly, somehow understanding Fran's feelings about the second part. "Well, yeah...when he murders it gets rather grotesque, huh...w-wait, why the hell am I chatting so lightly with you here? Anyway, I had a letter for your so-called 'daddy'. It's from Juudaime." he stated, giving Fran a sealed envelope with the engraving of the famiglia on the seal. "If it doesn't reach Xanxus, make sure it reach at least Squalo...or whoever capable of controlling you lot. It contains the details for your next missions—Juudaime said he expected you guys to work like a family this time."

"Alright. I'll make sure Bel-_nii_ doesn't rip it. I can't promise you that I'll give this to 'dad', but if it's 'mom' I think I'll survive...somehow."

"...good." Honestly, Gokudera swore Fran didn't sound really sure. And even if he tried to sound 'sure'...it certainly didn't convince the white-haired storm guardian.

Slowly, Gokudera averted his attention towards Bel, who was still unconscious on the floor. "....will he be okay? I kinda feel guilty now, seeing that self-proclaimed prince unconscious like that." Fran made a mockery face. "The storm guardian is feeling guilt! Hell must be frozen over! Comets are attacking—" the white haired man glared at Fran and silenced the junior illusionist. "Oh shut up, brat. What's wrong with feeling guilt after beating up some air-headed cosplayer like him? Not like he'll be able to fight back in this state..." Gokudera stood up, somehow remembering the battle against the insane prince two years before—back in the ring conflict. "...then again, maybe he'll go insane like back then. Tch. Oh, yeah, toad-guy, tell your mom Take—uh, Yamamoto said 'hi'."

"Denial much, storm guardian-san?"

"S..shut up..."

"Ushishishi...looks like the little puppy found a love life..."

Gokudera and Fran looked at Bel. Raising an eyebrow, Gokudera stared at the prince. "You were _awake_?" he asked. Bel let out his signature laugh. "The prince cannot miss the peasants' gossips now, can he?" Fran let out a mocking laugh. "Right, _nii-san_. It amuses me how it comes out from the mouth of a fake prince. Hmph."

"Looks like my un-_kawaii otouto_ wants to have another brawl, ushishishi~"

"It's ridiculously immature of you, _onii-san_, to actually respond to what your little _otouto_ said to provoke you."

Gokudera swore he heard something snap when suddenly the overall temperature of the hall dropped by a few degrees. Bel stood up slowly, his bangs hiding his eyes as usual. Something seemed to be glinting evilly behind the ridiculous-looking fringe, however. And whatever signs it could be, Gokudera knew it meant bad, bad news.

"Bring it on, toad."

"Anytime, fake prince-senpai. But man, aren't you such a royal pain in the ass..."

And the brawl began. Gokudera stood agape, looking at the two brothers fighting like there's no tomorrow. Ignored, he sighed and decided to report the two to Juudaime. "Just...be sure to pass that damn noisy shark or your monkey boss the letter." he said, before finally leaving the noisy Varia headquarter.

**[end - next: Xanxus-papa :)]**

* * *

_**[Special (Pointless) Omake, desu!]**_

_Twins are Twins, even when They're Not Identical at All_

Belpeghor and Fran—after the so-called incident of Tenth's Birthday Speech—received a brand new title. No longer the frog and the (fake) prince, they are now called the twins of Varia. Correction: _The Killer Twins of Varia_. No, this is certainly **not** an effort to put the two of them on the same position as those twins back from Kokuyo—Didi and Jiji, I believe? Anyway, the two received the new title after Lussuria declared that he thought they made such a decent duo—and proclaimed their new status as twins.

Of course, neither were happy by this sudden decision.

Bel was a little happy (and amused) , however, when Xanxus decided to butt in and made the small correction by calling them _killer twins_. Probably because both of them seemed to prefer a guro-ish end in their missions—illusionary or not. This identical sense of 'art' was probably what got them the rather mismatching nickname. Yes, Bel and Fran are not identical in terms of face, mind you. They're completely different. Blond hair and green hair. Long bangs and bangs not covering the eyes. Tiara and big frog hat_. _Other than their somehow similar taste of 'art', nothing is identical between them.

Then again, twins are twins, even when they're not identical at all :)

* * *

# Did any of you guys noticed that hint of _8059_ I slipped? :)

# _Tiara and big frog hat_ xD Sorry, I just had to put that in, lol

# _guro: _as in 'grotesque'. :) You know, blood, exploding eyeballs, etc. etc. xD

# Forgive the lack of...uhh...'consistent' storyline, ahaha. My brain's been in a mess lately *u* _/ish trying to find an alibi to explain the epicfail/_


	3. Chapter: Xanxus papa

**Dysfunctional**

_The Perfect Example of A Dysfunctional Family._

_Chapter: Xanxus-papa_

(/biased/hints of 6927 'slipped' in this chapter) - Reminder: This story will contain light XS/XanxusSqualo/349, Belfran, and some random pairings slipped here and there :)

And I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. (Are disclaimers still so important now? .___.)

_

* * *

_

A father is, of course, the symbol of a family. He's the one the family look up to. He's the backbone of the family; the one who works to feed his wife and children. A father is often put as one of the most important people in someone's life. A lot of children—the ones in kindergarten and elementary school—when asked who their hero is, will say that they _extremely_ (shut up, Ryohei.) adore their father. Of course, a father is the figure of leadership in a family. He's the one who controls the ship called family life. One mistake, and the ship crashes. With this great responsibility, being a father is definitely not easy. The same logic applies to Xanxus, apparently, in spite of being the perfectly _dysfunctional_ family Varia is. Well—he certainly doesn't _work_ that hard to feed his so-called 'wife and children'. But he's still the leader in this 'family', and that makes him the 'father'. Or so Lussuria said.

As a father, everyone—well, mostly everyone—in the Varia family would look for Xanxus if they _really need_ something...or in the 'children's case, their mom being absent. Xanxus, apparently, wasn't really happy with the kind of setting Vongola Decimo put him into...even though he had to cooperate later anyway.

* * *

Xanxus. The man with the two 'X's in his name. The fearsome man who once nearly killed both Vongola the ninth and Vongola the tenth (and ultimately failed). The leader of Varia who was much, much, _much_ more violent than the whole Varia combined together. The man whose name, if the 'X's are taken out, spells the somehow-illegal-to-say-in-public name of the last organ in human's digestive tract. Seriously. That last fact alone made Tsuna lose almost all of his fear (and perhaps—respect) towards the rather hostile man.

Anyway. Xanxus is certainly not a man to joke around with. One wrong words coming from your mouth and BANG! He'll probably shoot your head off, if not order one or two of his 'underlings' to get rid of you if he thinks you're too much of a trash to be taken 'seriously'. Of course, even with this said, Xanxus is _always_ serious—as in wanting to kill someone for the slightest mistake they do. Have you ever imagined _him_, Xanxus, to one day walk outside at a plaza somewhere in Italy, _peacefully_ drinking a cup of tea while idly chatting with Squalo? Nu uh. Definitely an illegal copy of him with wrong personality. Everyone with enough sanity will always fear Xanxus. Yes—enough sanity, which kinda explains our Decimo's reckless actions back in the ring conflicts; seeing his dad, I'm not surprised he's a little crazy as well.

Xanxus is a man of power. He's power-thirsty. He wants power. He uses power in any time possible. Even after the Varia (unwillingly) becomes a family, he still uses brute force to 'keep his family under control'--even though he seems to control his anger much better than back when he was in the ring conflict. He's also that kind of person who can _easily_, if not _effortlessly, _make someone angry. As in, annoyed. **That**, my pal, is Xanxus. Even under Tsuna's unbelievable amount of patience, he managed to make the petite Decimo lectured (or at least, _tried to lecture) _the leader of Varia. Yes, that means he's _angry_, okay?

* * *

"_Xanxus!!"_

_Swiftly kicking the dead body in front of him, Xanxus turned around, bored. Tsuna was looking at him with an annoyed face—which, mind you, seemed more like a pout than anything else. "I thought I told you NOT to kill some random people when you're bored? Honestly you're being such a bad example for your 'children'." Tsuna said, somehow lecturing Xanxus as Hibari get rid of the body from before with ease, efficiently cleaning the messy hallway. Xanxus growled, seemed to be ready to yell at Tsuna anytime. Tsuna was tense himself. As if he was ready to repel Xanxus' attacks in case the Varia leader decided to attack. The surrounding area suddenly grew quiet as both sky-flame owners glared at each other._

"_Xanxus, I probably should know better to not bring this up here, but since you're a 'father' now, I think it's better to tell you again how exactly do you treat your children—not just those younger members, actually, but Squalo as well! He's been doing great all that time he serves you, I have to admit! He deserves at least a better treatment than being treated as a wine-glass target!" Xanxus groaned. The runt was expecting him to spoil the members of Varia, how shouldn't he act so rebellious? Well, sure, Tsuna was trying to 'soften' Xanxus a bit by trying to bring up his fatherly side, but for Xanxus, sadly, it seems like a futile effort of making fun of him._

_And all of sudden, Tsuna's cellphone rang. The tense situation was put onto a halt. He picked up the call, slightly annoyed by whoever was calling.  
_

"_Yes?"_

"_KONEKO-CHAAANN—"_

_Click. Tsuna ended the call. He cleared his throat, then glared back at Xanxus. "So, back to what I was talking about, Xanxus—"_

_His cellphone rang again. Sighing, he flicked the cellphone open and..._

"_MUKURO!! I'M STILL HAVING SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS WITH XANXUS HERE, SO CAN YOU SHUT UP FOR A WHILE?"_

"_B-but, koneko-chan, the ice—"_

_Click._

"_I need to talk with him when I get back." Tsuna muttered. "Now, Xanxus...about you and your 'family'." Tsuna turned around and glared at Xanxus again. "You know, you really ought to stop acting so harsh, especially around your family members! Honestly, you need to soften up! Have fun sometimes, is your head just filled with killing?" He asked. Xanxus snorted. "It's not, runt. It's filled with murder, kill, attack, noisy sharks, and have I mentioned murder?"_

"_.......You're annoying, you know that, Xanxus? No wonder Squalo got white hair at that age; as your wife he must be stressed because of you." Tsuna sighed, giving up in trying to lecture Xanxus. Xanxus, meanwhile, was not amused with the fact that Tsuna blamed him for Squalo's hair. "Why the hell are you blaming me for his genetic white hair? That she-shark's hair's just fine and I don't see any signs of stress from him."_

"_Oya oya, talking about families and wifes, koneko-chan?"_

_Silence._

"_How long have you been there, Mukuro?"_

"_Hm? I arrived just now. Lemme guess, you were trying to tell Xanxus the right way to treat his 'wife'? Ah, leave it to me..." Tsuna threw a quick glance at Mukuro, who was bringing a...whole bowl of choco banana ice cream? Mukuro smiled, and he picked one of the banana, and put a decent amount of ice cream on the banana cut. "Say 'aaaah', koneko-chan." Well, Tsuna being Tsuna, couldn't resist the delicious looking ice and (somewhat cutely) bite the banana. Mukuro rolled his eyes towards Xanxus and gave the brute man a somewhat meaningful smirk. Like saying 'this is how you do it, dimwit'._

_Both Tsuna (realizing that Mukuro had just tricked him—and he actually fell into that trick) and Xanxus stared at the pineapple-haired illusionist. Mukuro simply smiled mischievously, with the bowl of ice cream on his hand. "You know, koneko-chan, I have to come to get you because the ice will melt if I wait any longer, so—"_

_No one heard anything from Mukuro for the next two weeks. In the two weeks, however, Xanxus seemed to be thinking quite a lot...

* * *

_

He lightly walked past the two brothers having yet another fight. He's visiting a certain someone today, and he's not going to give a damn about the rest of the team.

"Voooii!! It's rare to actually see YOU in person, freak." Squalo said, just as loud as usual. Mukuro just showed a mischievous smirk as he approached the door to Varia's central room. "I hope your husband is present today, mrs. Shark." he said.

"He is. AND STOP CALLING HIM MY HUSBAND ALREADY, VRAAAHHH!!"

"But isn't that the fact?" He said, before quickly entering the central room, closely avoiding Squalo's slices of promising death. Inside, Mukuro noticed that the central room was definitely different. In the maroon-walled room were a couple of sofas and a royal-looking armchair. The lighting was just perfect and in front of the set of sofas was a television put perfectly above a fireplace—a rather nice, classic settings, he mused. _Perfect for bonding between husband and wife. Now I really wonder if their relationship is __that__ bad. They really should use this room better._ He thought. Mukuro looked around the room a little longer before seeing the man he was looking for coming out from the direction of the yard. Xanxus looked straight at the mismatching-eyed man as said man comfortably sat himself on one of the sofas in the room. Xanxus sat on an armchair near the sofa.

"So? What business do you have with me today?" the scary-looking man asked, grumpily.

_...oya, oya, now I blame the husband not the wife._

"Kufufu, no wonder koneko-chan's so annoyed with you; you always seems to be so serious. Why so serious? You'll look older than your actual age, you know?" Mukuro teased. Xanxus stared at him, before making a motion to stand up. "If you're going to joke around, I'll just go back to what I was doing." he said. Mukuro gestured at him, stopping him from leaving. "Wait, I, myself, secretly sneaked out from my office at the central headquarter just to meet you today, so I have a perfectly fine reason to do this."

"What? You're going to possess me and try to make me act unlike myself in front of the whole Varia? I wonder, perhaps calling them 'sweet children' or 'darling', whichever is in your mind by now?"

"...how do you know?"

_...figures._ Xanxus thought. "Don't you dare think that I'm as dimwitted as you are, brat. And respect your elders; I'm still older than you." he continued. Mukuro let out his signature laugh. "There's another reason, though. I think..._I_ can tell you how exactly to treat your so-called wife." Xanxus stopped. He stared. Mukuro took this as a sign to continue. "Koneko-chan lectured you for 'mistreating your wife', didn't he? Well. Since I think it would benefit to both of us if I give you some useful _hints_, I came here."

"And how, exactly, will this benefit to you?"

_Clack_. The doors from the yard opened, and Lussuria came in, bringing a tray of tea. "Tea, mist-chan? Daddy?" Mukuro graciously accepted the offer, while Xanxus motioned the sun Varia to put the tea on the table. After Lussuria left, Mukuro smirked. "I see a chance to skip my work by telling koneko-chan that I came here to share my thoughts about this whole family thing." Xanxus let out a mocking laugh.

"Quite the thing I expect you to do."

"Oya oya, thank you for the expectations, I suppose."

A brief silence. Sounds of Mukuro sipping his tea slowly. Then Mukuro lifted the cup half-filled with tea. "In my humblest opinion...a family doesn't really have to act like a family all the time." This successfully surprised our Varia leader. Playing with his cup in a slow motion, Mukuro continued. "Just follow the flow. It's _your_ family. You're free to decide whether you want to act like a family or not. I think koneko-chan only tried to make you...I dunno, loosen up a bit? Your wife is, after all, being stressed because of the daily amount of tension you release."

"That damn shark isn't my wife."

"Oya, denial much, sire? That's not good, you know."

"_I. Said. He's. Not. My. Wife."_

"I've said what I wanted to say. Have a good day, Varia. And your _daughter_ serves good tea, I must say." Mukuro quickly left, just in time before he successfully burned out Xanxus' extremely short fuse.

* * *

"Voiii...boss, what the hell was he talking about with you...?" Squalo asked Xanxus, who seemed to be zoning out as said man sat idly in the central room. "Uh...boss?" Squalo waved his (non-artificial) hand in front of Xanxus' eyes. Xanxus snapped awake, then grabbed Squalo's flesh hand. "Oi...what...do you think about this Sawada's 'Varia family' stuff?" he asked Squalo with a serious glare. _The_ glare, the one which could make crying babies cry even louder.

Squalo raised an eyebrow.

"Just. Answer."

"Wha...well, EXCUSE ME, but I'd say it's pretty stupid! But for some reasons those subordinates of ours think that we actually make a good couple...and if you want me to be honest, if you loosen up and soften a bit, you actually make quite the father. Except I don't really want a father like you. Heh." Squalo said, ending his overly-honest opinion with a smug smirk.

"...................."

**[end – next: Lussuria..._neechan!?_]

* * *

**

_**[Special Omake, Desu!]**_

_Families. Skip the Details, Darlings._

Tsuna stared.

And he stared, and he stared, and he stared.

Meanwhile, Mukuro sat in front of the tuna, innocently playing around with his trident, occasionally whistling a playful tune. Tsuna put the bundle of papers in his hand to the table. "Just...how could _this _happen, Mukuro?" Tsuna asked. In the bundle of papers was a very detailed report on how Xanxus seems to be even **more** violent than ever since Mukuro paid a small visit to Varia. And weirdly, the violence seems to be ironically 'balanced' by Xanxus' rather unexplainable actions, like how the members of Varia commented on how 'compassionate' (as in now punishing them even worse for even the slightest mistake they had done—and also _forcing_ them to accompany him to actually pay a sudden visit to a teashop in the city) Xanxus had been lately. The depressed-ish aura lingering from Tsuna didn't went unnoticed by the other five guardians in the room.

"Well, I passed the subliminal message behind your lecture to that Varia monkey guy—directly, of course."

"What...?" Mukuro let out an innocent shrug. Tsuna did a facepalm. It's rather useless trying to talk with Mukuro when he's not in the mood to talk. The mist guardian laughed his signature 'kufufu'. "You see...I was just thinking that he'd be grateful if I tell him _our _secrets on how to become such a perfect couple!"

Tsuna bursted his coffee. Gokudera tripped. Hibari stared at Mukuro. Yamamoto knocked his head on shigure kintoki. Lambo stared at nothing in particular.

"Since _when_ are we couples, Mukuro?"

"Details, details. Date and time aren't that important in _love_, koneko-chan. I'm sure that guy's being grateful to us—or maybe just me—at the moment, and maybe he's currently having a peaceful talk with his 'wife'! And you know...we haven't been talking _alone_ for a long time, have we?"

And no words were heard from Mukuro for another few weeks after that.

* * *

# _Koneko_: kitten :) I'm a little biased to 6927 here xD I just can't hate affection-hungry!69 xD

#_ And your daughter serves good tea, I must say: _Obviously Mukuro mocking both Varia's family status and Lussuria's absolute 'gay-ness' ;)


	4. Chapter: Lussuria nee

I apologize for the long delay, but the awaited fourth chapter is finally here!! And uhh, with the amount of the stress I've been piling up, I also apologize with the amount of sheer gayness and okama-ness--but then again, this is LUSSURIA we're talking about so... hnn. Moving on. And, have I put a disclaimer for this fanfiction? No? Oops, I've forgotten, then :/ Disclaimer has been enclosed at footnotes of this chapter :D

Well then, enjoy the scene of havoc!!

* * *

**Dysfunctional**

_The Perfect Example of A Dysfunctional Family._

_Chapter: Lussuria-nee

* * *

_

In a family, it is often believed that _men_ hold the honor of the family and a good wife should do nothing but wait for their husband to return home while cleaning the house. At least, before the age of women's emancipation. Now, with women being in the front row of society, a lot of families now ignore the original role of genders—fathers do house chores and the mothers work, women having equal rights with men…(but of course, the woman giving birth instead of the man is…inevitable.) Now, the equality in rights between men and women further shows an effect—no longer just between husbands and wives, but including every single woman in the family.

Unfortunately, for one, _certain_ dysfunctional family, this 'every single woman in the family' also includes a sister not supposed to exist.

* * *

Lussuria.

_He_ was Varia's one and only Sun Guardian. A symbol of light in the middle of the black, dark, brute bunch called Varia. A symbol which _literally_ shines with bright sparkles. _He_ was Varia's only sisterly figure—hey, it's a dysfunctional family and we need a dysfunctional sister that goes with the rest of the dysfunctional crew, 'kay?—the only one capable of stopping the twins' _brotherly_ ceremonial fight. An epitome of UNDYING LOVE AND JOY somehow trapped within the circle of burning rage and household war.

Not quite secretly, _he_ was the image of _Lust_ in the small family of six. And honestly, _he_ lives up to _his_ nickname. As he was an epitome of Lust itself, he was also a full-fledged okama, officially licensed and approved by the OKAMA UNDERGROUND circle led by _Kakumeigun_'s one and only Emporio Ivankov and _Baroque Works_' Bon Kurei. The notable approvals themselves show how Lussuria showed to the world that he was ready to spread TRUE LOVE(?) throughout the whole continent.

Everyone in Varia—and recently, the whole famiglia in general—had always feared one of Lussuria's hidden latent power. They proudly(?) named this hidden power _Lussuria Sisterly Sparkle Beam_, or (as some of the guardians would prefer in order to reduce the creep factor of the name) _On__eesan no Moe Moe BEAM._ This hidden latent power is said to come into effect the moment Lussuria's _okama gauge_ filled up—and with an external force, this gauge would explode, resulting in the shiny, _shiny_ radiating beam of JOY leaking everywhere.

Some say _Lussuria-nee_ is the best when this _Okama Gauge_ is in effect.

This _some_ only takes up about 2% of the famiglia, CEDEF and the minor organizations counted.

And unfortunately, fellow Sun Guardian Sasagawa Ryohei is with the 98% of the famiglia.

* * *

"_SASAGAWA RYOHEI, REPORTING FOR DUTY ON VONGOLA THE TENTH'S ORDER!!"_

Xanxus tiredly rubbed his temple, getting increasingly pissed off as seconds passed. Ryohei's loud screaming and unnecessary rampaging throughout the Varia headquarters didn't really help Xanxus' headache.

All of sudden, he felt a cold press on his forehead, and noticed that it was Lussuria putting a cold compress on the very source of his annoyance right now.

Xanxus abruptly paled.

Squalo followed not long after.

The two _higher-ups_ of Varia only stood there, stupefied, as Lussuria watched them with confusion.

And sparkling glittering rays of light.

* * *

"THIS IS **EXTREMELY** URGENT, AND I NEED TO TALK WITH YOUR **EXTREME** BOSS!!"

"Heey, you don't need to scream at my ears, Sun Guardian-san." Fran said. "There's nothing wrong with my ears, unlike my _beloved nii-san_'s.

"Oii, you're trying to pick a fight now, you un-_kawaii_ kouhai?"

"Oh, I'm back into the kouhai status now, eh, _senpai_?"

Ryohei extremely watched as the two began bickering. He was tightly grabbing a yellowish envelope with the Vongola seal on it—a quick briefing about Varia's next group mission, as Tsuna briefly told him before said boss went away to stop Mukuro and Hibari from destroying the dining room.

However, the bickering quickly stopped as a _familiar_ shine made its way to the far end of the corridor. Fran gulped. Bel nervously whistled.

"I see the _Okama Gauge_ is on its limit." Fran said, after a short while of awkward silence. Glancing at Ryohei, Fran quickly grabbed Bel's arm and dragged him away from the spot, leaving an extremely confused boxer standing alone in the middle of the lonely hall.

Or perhaps, not quite all that lonely.

"_HARE-CHAANN!!_"

It was an understatement to say that Ryohei face-faulted. _Hare-chan_? Nice new nickname there you got, sunny boy. Both nervously and eagerly, Ryohei turned his attention towards the **extremely** shining Lussuria. "Whoa! THAT'S SOME EXTREME LIGHTSHOW!!" Ryohei, refusing to lose in terms of extremity, burned up in extreme HONOR AND GLORIOUS MANLY PRIDE, resulting in a competition of the intensity of shine radiating from both sun guardians. The competition successfully made half of the functioning surveillance cameras throughout the corridor faulted—some even exploded because of overly intense light pressure.

"_OKAMA PRIIIIDEEEE!!!!_"

"_EXTREME BURNING MAXIMUM SPIRIIIITT!!!"_

As the screens on the surveillance monitor blacked out one by one, the enraged boss of Varia finally moved. Abruptly, he stood up, grabbed his trusty guns, and marched out of the surveillance room to the troublesome corridor.

Xanxus had finally decided to personally handle the two intense sun-flame owners. With both guns. And maximum rage.

* * *

"You two are crazy as fuck." Xanxus muttered, leaving the two now-not-quite-extreme bodies on the floor. The two, after their extremely-friendly exchange of greetings, had finally calmed down after Xanxus decided to wipe the floor clean with their extremity and their unbelievably UNBELIEVABLE norm.

Honestly, Xanxus couldn't help wondering why did he pick Lussuria out of all the candidates back when he established the Varia—oh, wait, that okama's _Sisterly Beam_ totally killed them all. Pity. They were prospective candidates for his punching bag, too. Not that he like boxing or punching—they weren't good enough for shooting targets.

"Aa, t-that was really rough, ne, you extreme boy? _Daddy Xanxus_ don't usually act so vicious; maybe he's having a bad hair day or something..."

"Rough? _THAT WAS EXTREM_E!!"

Lussuria coughed out some gravel from his mouth. "Oh dear, I know you were extreme and all, but you should pay more attention to your own health! It would be such a waste if you hurt yourself, really!" he commented, in a rather…_very _sisterly way. Ryohei dumbly stared at the Varia sun guardian for a while, before laughing loudly. A pretty pathetic try to hide his sudden trauma towards the okama.

"AAHHAHAHA, OF COURSE, I WILL EXTREMELY DO JUST THAT!!"

And with that, Ryohei fled with an extreme speed never before known.

Lussuria could only see the dust with a large question mark hovering over his head.

* * *

He let out a long, long sigh.

"I wonder what have I done wrong." Lussuria mumbled, earning him a skeptical glare from Squalo, literally saying _It's your own damn fault, you okama_. The scent of Darjeeling tea filled the living room as the Varia had their not-quite-a-warm family gathering. Xanxus had long left his cup empty, and on his seat was Bester in place of its master, sleeping soundly on the comfy armchair. Bel and Fran were grudgingly glaring daggers at Lussuria for scaring both of them to death with yet another _Sisterly Beam_ after Ryohei left.

"But, I really didn't do anything to sunny boy back then, did I, _Mamma Squalo_?"

"_He called him Hare-chan and he said he didn't do anything? That probably left an eternal scar across the poor guy's mind_." Fran muttered audibly, loud enough for everyone else in the room. Lussuria didn't seem to care enough, as he simply poured more tea for Levi. Squalo silently agreed with the rookie mist, for once. The not-quite usual family gathering went through pretty smoothly that evening, with some occasional knife-throwing, fire pillars, swords slashes, and quite some damages and shining rays of UNDYING LOVE AND JOY in the living room.

It was just another dysfunctional day in the Varia Headquarters, after all.

**[end]  
_Next up: ? (Let's keep the incoming chapters a secret, ne? xD) _**

**

* * *

**

# Ah, Bon Kurei and Emporio Ivankov…they're cameos from One Piece, in case you did notice xD What, I can't go mentioning okamas without those two, right? Aah, and One Piece is owned by Eichiro Oda; REBORN is owned by Akira Amano. (A rather late disclaimer.)

# Don't ask about the ultra cliché names for the so-called _latent skills. _I totally blame MOE MOE KYUUN on this. And One Piece, since it partially counted with the idea.

# _Oneesan no Moe Moe BEAM:_ Tsuna kindly reminded Mukuro the real meaning of the word MOE a short while after this chapter's incident, and since then, the Vongola main team (consisting of the capo and his guardians) decided that the name _Oneesan no MAGIC BEAM _would be a better option which wouldn't risk random members puking after hearing the deadly name. Lussuria _is_ an opponent one musn't underestimate, especially under Vongola the Tenth's hyper-effective management of human resource. The fact that Tsuna is an effective Human Resource Developer scares even Reborn -- at the same time, the sun arcobaleno also feels satisfied at _how much_ had his student grown in the past few years.


	5. Chapter: Levi A Than

**Dysfunctional**

_The Perfect Example of A Dysfunctional Family._

_Chapter: Levi A Than

* * *

_

Sometimes, in a family, a scapegoat exists. And in the Varia, no matter how _dysfunctional _it is—actually, because the Varia _is_ a dysfunctional family, a scapegoat _must_ exist. And, since Belpeghor and Fran refused to become the sacrifices of the family, the whole family came into a mutual conclusion. It had always been like that; in a family in which a scapegoat existed, the family must've agreed mutually—either with, or _without_ the concern of the very scapegoat of that family.

Apparently, even Varia was not an exception.

* * *

_Scapegoat_

_noun_

_a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others, esp. for reasons of expediency.

* * *

_

Levi A Than was the Varia's one and only lightning guardian. As the lightning guardian, he was to be the lightning rod which takes all the damage towards the family...all to himself, greedy or not. A lightning guardian is expected to have decent endurance, both physically and emotionall

Emotionally?

Apparently, in the Varia family, in most cases in which the culprit is unknown, 99.99% of the blame fell on the unlucky, yet apparently very loyal, understanding, boss-worshipping Levi A Than. Levi A Than, apparently, felt more than lucky when his oh-so-beloved boss—I mean, _father_, chose him to bear the heavy responsibility to become the very scapegoat of the family.

Unknown to him, the Varia had both officially and unofficially elected him not only as the family's scapegoat, but also the family's housemaid.

Believe it or not,

He was actually very effective and useful. And aside from that effective and useful, Levi A Than actually _accepted_ his position as the scape goat, although not directly. Even in the smallest kinds of offense. Such as bullying.

Really.

* * *

"Naa, Levi, have you seen my uncute _imouto-chan_ anywhere?"

Bel asked, walking into the room idly. Levi, who was busy wiping the dust away from Xanxus' favorite wine glass set, merely glared at him.

"Oh, I don't know, _nii-san_, perhaps he's somewhere in _your_ room?"

"_Smart_ remarks, octopus." Bel snorted, before sitting on the sofa—

—and got his butt trapped in a mouse trap..

_The _classic, Tom-and-Jerry style, cheese-on-a-board, wooden mouse trap.

"LEV! GET THIS—H-HORRENDOUS THING OFF MY ASS!"

Levi pulled the mouse trap off Bel. And at that very moment, Fran waltzed into the room, whistling suspiciously. _Real_ suspiciously.

"Ah, I see my trap for Bel-niisan worked fine."

Twitch.

"Shi shi shi, now you've done it pipsqueak!"

"Hoo, no more 'uncute kouhai' or 'peasant'?"

Levi simply watched as the two ran off.

Leaving trails of _mud_ behind.

He sighed.

* * *

As far as Lussuria was concerned, Levi had been doing _too much _house chore. As Levi cleaned the mud Fran left behind, Lussuria snuck behind him and gave him a _loving_ nee-chan hug.

"Levi-chan, accompany me out, will you?"

Levi stared at Lussuria with his usual stoic, 'mind-your-own-shit' glare. Lussuria let out a contemplating 'hmm', before a lightbulb popped above him.

"Well, _mother_ needs more hair conditioner as his last one ran out, aaaanddd—we're shopping for Daddy's needs too!"

_ZIPP!_ Levi was ready to go out. Lussuria nodded in approval, before he dragged Levi out, _okama _style. Complete with the hearts and the hums.

* * *

"Honestly, Lambo, you eat too much candy!!" Tsuna reprimanded with an unpleased look in his eyes. Lambo, now eight years old, cowered under Tsuna's unbelievably scary glare. At that moment, Tsuna was dragging Lambo to the nearest dentist for a quick check-up. Apparently, Lambo had been eating excess sweets in the past few months, without much missions he could do (other than snatching the runaway Uri, or the occasional 'get me some espresso from that store at the end of Namimori market' from Reborn), and he had, _unsurprisingly_, got cavities.

Tsuna, being the responsible boss he was, was kindly _forced_ to take Lambo to the dentist. And at the moment, with his white shirt and trousers—_office suits minus the coat, ugh_ (he rushed out from the office the moment he heard Lambo wailing)—he patiently queued at the dentist.

Ignoring the for some reason appalled (or, unknown to him, awed) look from the desk girl at the dentist, Tsuna registered Lambo to the one and only doctor he knew well enough in Italy…unfortunately.

Shamal.

"I _honestly_ don't care if he only treats women—I already know that. Just please register him to Shamal. I don't care if he wails or screams bloody murder, whatever, I'm registering at him." He replied, returning the questioning stare from the desk girl responsible of the register. The poor girl hurriedly surrendered under Tsuna's pissed off glare and wrote Lambo's name under Shamal's patient list.

"T-t-then, your turn should be in an hour. Please wait patiently until we call you then." The girl said, earning a polite nod from Tsuna.

At first, Tsuna had decided that he would wait patiently in the waiting room. However, that plan soon proved to be ineffective, as the door into the dentist flung open, revealing a very hurt Lussuria and a very pissed off Levi A Than.

Tsuna's eyes widened.

"LUSSURIA!? LEVI A THAN!?"

Lussuria's frowning " :( " face quickly turned into a bright smile (albeit all black and blue) the moment he saw the young adult brunette. "AAaa, if it isn't our boss!! What are you doing here in Italy, may I ask?" Tsuna nervously forced a smile, shifting away from the okama. "W-well, there was an emergency business to take care, and I couldn't risk Lambo being murdered one-handedly by Gokudera, so I took him along—and apparently, he got cavities and now he's wailing all the time."

Lussuria eagerly nodded in understanding. Tsuna then shot him a questioning look, and pointed at Levi.

"So uhm, what are _you_ two doing here?"

Lussuria's smiley face turned into a frown again. "AAH, THAT! I WAS BEING KIND ENOUGH TO TAKE HIM OUT FOR A WALK, B-B-BUT THEN HE PUNCHED ME! I WAS KIND ENOUGH TO PICK A NICE NEW SET OF CLOTHES FOR HIM, YOU KNOW! BUT HE PUNCHED ME! HE **PUNCHED** ME!!"

Levi snapped.

"WHAT KIND OF NORMAL PERSON WOULD PICK ME A FREAKING **NEON PINK** DRESS OUT OF ALL THING!?"

"B-but I thought it would look nice on you…YOU'RE SUCH A BULLY, LEVI-CHANN!!"

"B-B-BUT I—!! I'M NOT A BULLY HERE!"

"_Patient Lambo Bovino, please head to Dr. Shamal's room in Room 2700 now. Again, Lambo Bovino—"_

"It's our turn now, Lambo, let's get going…"

And Tsuna left the two Varia members bickering in the waiting room.

**[end]

* * *

**

lmao, I think I'll end this here. And just for some side notes.

# I think I'm doing a bit of negative bias on Levi…but it's just so fun to pick on him!!

# And yeah, sorry for the inconsistency of format in the story, but I _honestly _ran out of ideas! :( I think this should be the correct time to end this fic, soo…

# Oh, and since here, Tsuna is 17, I'd say Lambo is 8, because I believe in the start of the series, Tsuna _was_ 14, right? And Lambo was 5…

# Please don't imagine Levi in a pink dress. Not good for your health.


End file.
